The start of the season is a few weeks away. I think we are all pretty well-prepared regarding hockey mom gear. We’ve got our playlist, our hats, our make-up, and we’ve done the necessary workouts. But, there are always those last-minute details that we need to address.
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. I created a hockey mom gear shopping list that should cover all those last-minute oversights.
The best part, it’s not too late to hit up Prime and get these items shipped to your house before the season even starts.
Hockey Mom Hat
This piece of hockey mom gear is vital to the gamut of hockey mom personalities. It is designed to be fashionable, yet practical. And, the best part is that purchasing it can offer you an extra 20 minutes of sleep on those mornings where practice starts before sunrise.
Hockey Mom Bag
A hockey mom bag is crucial for any hockey mom gear checklist. And, it can’t just be your ordinary purse. It has to be the size of an RV so that you can fit your life on the road in it.
The Wicked Wicked bag, named appropriately to suit the internal thoughts of hockey moms, is the ideal choice for hockey mom hauling. Its biggest perk is it’s designed with internal pockets to hide your flask. You never know when you need a shot of a cocktail to calm your nerves. Wicked Wicked clearly understood how the refs and coaches do a great job of getting hockey moms worked up. And, the company offered a subtle solution that keeps everyone, moms, refs, and coaches happy—a stiff drink to keep mom quiet.
The bag also has an adjustable strap. This comes in handy during parking lot brawls with the opposing team’s parents. Especially that one that runs his mouth the entire game.
Just adjust the strap and swing.
Hockey Mom Blanket
Keeping warm at the rink is a challenge. This means you need the right hockey mom gear to fight off the chill. You need to stay warm so that when the game is over, you are not too frozen to act as a human pack mule.
It can seriously hurt your bones to carry all that stuff when you are freezing. So, get yourself a blanket to showcases your personality. Café Press’, “Hockey Mom’s Don’t Give a Puck” blanket is a perfect choice. Keep warm, but don’t thaw that resting bitch face. You need it to let that jackwagon in the stands know how annoying he is.
Hockey Mom Hoodie
With your hat intact, your bag packed and stocked with the appropriate adult beverages, and a blanket to help the booze fight off the chill, you need a hoodie that says don’t mess with me.
Luckily Studio 7 Apparel has you covered. A gentle reminder that “You don’t want me going all hockey mom on you,” is all that some fans need. Unfortunately, a bold hoodie warning does not work on all fools in the stands. In those instances, we recommend that you consider using your middle finger to showcase your feelings.
Hockey Mom Travel Mug
Also, you need to make sure your coffee stays hot in case you need to toss it onto someone who’s acting a fool and talking smack on your kid.
Bottom line, spend the money and get the Yeti.
Hockey Mom Gear Essential: Chapstick
In addition to the necessary lip moisturizing, chapstick is a necessity for every hockey mom. Lathering Lotus’ chapstick is my go-to choice for chapstick. It seems to last the longest and stand up best against the cold temperatures in the rink.
You don’t want to get caught licking your lips during a game. It can send the wrong impression. You never know who’s looking and you don’t want to get labeled as the seductress in the stands.
Hockey Mom Gear Debatable: Cowbell
Hockey Mom Gear Comical: Brass Knuckles
Hockey Mom Gear Definite: A Strong Shoulder
In all seriousness, the most important thing you need this hockey season is a strong shoulder and thick skin. You need to make sure that you teach your kid to win with dignity and to lose with grace. After all, that’s what you pay the big bucks for—to use this game to teach life lessons.
So, while we joke and make light of what we do, our job as hockey moms are important. We are raising young men and women. And, we are making sure they capitalize on every opportunity this game offers to teach them life lessons that they may not otherwise get.