Eventually, the intensity of hockey momming calls for a battery recharge. Your first instinct may be to reach for that wine glass and your favorite bottle. Wine is great and is often what keeps us from inspiring a Lifetime movie. But let’s face it. Wine is what we drink at book club meetings where we pretend to be interested in whatever title Oprah is pushing while trying to guess which of our friends is secretly reading 50 Shades of Grey for the tenth time. But, what you really need are hockey themed cocktails.
Any party for hockey moms must have hockey themed cocktails on the drink menu that reflects who we are. We are a unique breed who doesn’t believe in half measures and participation trophies. If we wanted helicopter parent levels of safe and sophisticated, we wouldn’t have strapped the blades on our kids’ feet and a plastic brain bucket on their heads in the first place.
That is why, when it comes to making a toast or just chilling with all the other hockey moms, what we drink should have the same kick as a puck to the side of the head.
Check out these 9 hockey themed cocktails perfect for hockey moms.
Irish Car Bomb
This is the drink we all need when the smell embedded in our car from toting around equipment makes us want to blow it up.
½ oz. Baileys
½ oz. Jameson Irish Whiskey
Mix Baileys and Jameson in a shot glass, and then drop the shot glass in a pint of Guinness Beer. Drink enough so that you can no longer smell the funk embedded in your upholstery. And then, breathe easy.
This cocktail is perfect for when you want to slam the jack wagon in the stands who won’t stop running his mouth.
1 oz. Southern Comfort
1 Orange wheel and cherry
Mix all the ingredients in a shaker and then fill with ice and shake. Fill a highball glass with ice. Strain into the glass. Begin practicing redirecting the frustration from the jack wagon to something more productive—like the refs missing calls.
The Capri Sun Hockey Themed Cocktails
I am sure that somewhere out there, there is a mythical hockey mom who has the unique power of never over buying snacks and drinks for her kids. I do not know this lady, and I doubt I ever will.
This means that there is most likely a surplus of prepackaged almost-not-junk food sitting in the cupboard–something like a Capri Sun.
Capri Sun’s are like the perfect mixers for cocktails. You use the container, so no dishes, and they come with a straw. How is this not a huge thing?
The Capri Sunrise
This one is in honor of all those early mornings we have to get up. Heck, sunrise would be sleeping in for a lot of us.
Fruit Punch Capri Sun
One bottle of tequila
One lime wedge
The first thing you do is cut open the pouch along the top. In all that now empty space you had paid for, pour in the tequila. Drop in a pinch of the salt, and garnish with the lime.
The Capri Sunburn
At least the thought of warmth might get you through nine months of freezing rinks.
Fruit Punch Capri Sun
Cut it open. Pour in enough Fireball to shut up that bat shit crazy parent in he stands, and drop in a Hot Tamales candy. Feel the burn, melt some ice, and feel the burn again.
The Cherry Sunfeld
In case your kid wasn’t fond of every flavor in the variety pack.
Wild Cherry Capri Sun
An orange wedge
Cut it open (this step should register on the “Duh!” meter by now), toss in a cherry or two, and fill the rest with Jack.
The Hat Trick
Talk about the perfect hockey mom cocktail, at least if we want to stick to the hockey theme. It’s a little complicated, but not overly so. Some sort of hockey themed drink will be mandatory at any hockey mom party, and at least this isn’t a lame cop out like using toothpicks that look like hockey sticks for the hors d’ourves.
2 Orange Bitters
1.5 oz. Sherry, Dry
1.5 oz. White Wine
1 oz. Aperol
Add the Aperol, sherry and two dashes of the bitters in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well for 10-15 seconds. Strain into champagne flute and top up with your white wine of choice. Garnish with a dash of the bitter and a lemon twist.
The Penalty Shot
Love or hate puns, this one is appropriate for hockey moms because for once, we don’t have to punish our kids. Let the ref be the villain! It’s like being able to say, “Ask your father,” without anyone getting mad at us for making them say no.
Who am I kidding? All us hockey moms take things too far sometimes. Maybe it was inadvertently encouraging unsportsmanlike conduct or taking that uncalled for dig at another fan . All I can say is that it is time to take our medicine.
0.25 oz. shot of Blue Curacao
1 gram of Cinnamon
0.25 oz. shot of Gin
0.25 oz. shot of Tequila
0.25 oz. shot of Vodka (go for the citrus, if you don’t hate yourself too much)
Shake all the ingredients except the Curaco Pour into a frosted shot glass, and top off with the Curacao, and then get ready to suffer.
Mountain Dew Me
This is another good one to try simply because Mountain Dew is something hockey moms are likely to have on hand. And, the name is funnier than Jack & Coke. It’s naughty enough to be funny, but with just enough plausible deniability if any kids overhear.
2 oz. Vodka
2 oz. Peach Schnapps
A Splash or Two of Lime
Fill a 12-oz. glass with ice. Pour in vodka and peach schnapps then fill the rest of the glass with equal parts orange juice and Mountain Dew. Top it off with a splash of lime juice. It doesn’t have much of a boozy taste; it will hit you quick.
The Zamboni (The closet I could get to an SUV )
There is no shortage of generic hockey themed cocktails, but there aren’t any specifically for hockey moms. I picked The Zamboni because it’s the closest I can get to finding a toast to all the minivans and SUVs that take our kids and all their equipment to every practice, game, and tournament. Our four wheeled war wagons deserve a toast, and it needs to taste good. Plus, it’s really easy to make.
2 oz. Southern Comfort
1 oz. Bacardi Rum
3 oz. Orange Juice
3 oz. Sprite
Pour over rocks, in no particular order. Stir and enjoy.
Now, all that is left to do is gather up those hockey families and start enjoying these hockey themed cocktails.