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Experts Agree–Hockey Moms and Walmart Moms Have a Lot in Common

Written by Emily Erson

Many people claim that the nature of the game of hockey is what gives hockey moms their reputation. To some degree, that’s true. But, hockey moms have a long-standing reputation for being no nonsense mixed with Pinterest. It’s a status that has taken years to create.

According to Vanity Fair, hockey moms’ reputation began in 1909 when Pearl Figgs caught her sons doing triple-spins at the local ice rink instead of practicing hockey. Figgs, a hockey star herself, body checked her boys and sent them both to the hospital.

How has the hockey mom reputation grown?

It’s not 1909. In the 21st century, we frown upon body checking kids based on their preference of sports. So, the image of the hockey mom has changed with the times.

Ken Homa, a professor at Georgetown University, agrees that hockey moms today are nothing like Pearl Figgs, but instead, they are synonymous with “Walmart mom.”

He even went as far as validating this claim made by Celinda Lake, “…hockey moms are anti-intellectual and worse.”

Coincidently, Celinda Lake is the lady who coined the term “soccer mom.” We all know about the competition between who’s cooler, soccer moms or hockey moms.

The Difference Between Soccer Moms and Hockey Moms

Lakes went on to explain, “Hockey moms’ respond to male communication styles—competitive, assertive, hierarchical, us vs. them.

(Side note—calling people anti-intellectual while using incorrect possessives makes this hockey mom/teacher super annoyed. Bonus if you found the error in the grammar.)

Sorry, Celinda, I am confused. It is a hockey game. It is us vs. them. It is competitive, and to be competitive one must be assertive.

Have you seen a hockey bill? We pay a lot of money for the competition.

And, I am super confused as to how this aligns with the Walmart moms.

Hockey Moms are Far from Anti-Intellectual

We’ve got this parenting thing figured out better than most. And, I can assure you that anti-intellectual Walmart moms are not comparable with hockey moms.

Here’s a good solid look (sprinkled with a bunch of sarcasm)  at 8 reasons why…

1. We Use Protection

When we are encouraging our kids to either chase or be chased by others with a stick, we make sure they are wearing pads and a helmet.

If we were anti-intellectual, we wouldn’t spend the money on protection,
and they would be out there with nothing.

Those who are not wise opt for no protection.

2. We Keep Hitting in a Controlled Environment

Anti-intellectuals tell their kids it’s OK to hit whomever, where ever if they are upset.

We are smart enough to teach our children how and when to hit correctly.

3. We Discipline Our Kids

When our kids do something wrong, they have to take a two minute or a five-minute time out. If they are exceptionally bad, they have to sit for ten whole minutes.

Anti-intellectuals don’t discipline at all.

4. We Let Our Kids Play with Dull Shards of Steel Not Sharp Ones

When we let our children play with metal objects, we make sure they are encased in a plastic rocker, so only a small amount of sharp steel is accessible.

And, the most popular options for sharpness are 3/8 inch., 1/2 inch. or 5/8 inch. And, that is a radius, not a sharp edge.

The steel that anti-intellectuals allow their kids to play with come with handles and look like knives and swords.

5. We Shoot in a Disciplined Environment

Our kids are only allowed to shoot at one target.

Anti-intellectual open up fire and shoot at anything that moves.

6. We Don’t Abuse Sick Days

You can’t overlook our wisdom in travel either. Most of us are smart enough not to call off two Fridays in a row for tournaments.

We come up with carpools, so we don’t get caught faking sick.

Those who are not smart and who lack work ethic just call off whenever.

7. We Are Wise When We Travel

Anti-intellectuals travel on dangerous roads without the proper vehicles. We know to buy the extra-long SUVs to travel the black ice.

Notice I didn’t say minivan—proving once again, we are not anti-intellectual.

8. We Don’t Drink in Public

You won’t catch a hockey mom with an open container. We know enough to sneak it into our Yeti tumblers or to keep in a red solo cup in the hotel lobbies.

Anti-intellectuals are prone to open container violations because they are not smart enough to conceal their booze.

So, what makes a hockey mom a Walmart mom?

A gross misinterpretation of experts—one that was created by a soccer mom at that.

Hockey moms have it together. Their reputation is one that has been molded from the finest Canadian tradition, and it has carried across the borders for all of us to enjoy. It’s crafted from the finest blend of caring, commitment, and love.

Most importantly, being a hockey mom cannot be similar to being a Walmart mom, because being a hockey mom doesn’t come cheap!

About the author

Emily Erson

I am a full-time teacher, mother, driver of children, cooker of dinner, washer of laundry, sayer of whatever is on my mind and hockey mom extraordinaire. In my free time --like that exists--I blog in order to vent the frustration that comes with raising 3 kids. My mantra, blogging and ranting are better than a drinking problem.

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