It’s the beginning of hockey season; we are gearing up to travel for tournaments, and day in day out trips across the state for games. What that means to me is that I need a playlist to help me grind through all it takes to hockey mom.
I’ve created the “Ultimate Hockey Mom Playlist”–complete with songs to remind us what it takes to do what we do.
“Start Me Up” by The Rolling Stones
Waking up sucks, but if you can hit play and hear the Stones, it’s not too bad. “Start Me Up” by the Rolling Stones is the ideal way to start the morning hockey momming.
When you need that jump to get you out of bed on those cold January mornings, “Start Me Up” can help get you moving. “Kick on the starter give it all you got” while you are waiting to fill your Yeti with that terrible, bitter, hotel coffee.
“I Like to Move It” by Reel 2 Real
As soon as the coffee kicks in, you can start kicking it 90’s style with Reel 2 Real “I Like to Move It.” Now that you are up and moving, it’s time to annoy the shit out of everyone to get them going, too.
After all, your hockey momming responsibilities have nothing to do with you and everything to do with everyone else jammed in your hotel room. Getting the rest of the crew up and going is where the real work begins.
Reel 2 Real has it figured out. “Women, physically fit.” That’s why it’s our job to get everyone out the door.
“That Smell” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
And just as you are loading up, it’s time to blast, “That Smell” by Lynyrd Skynyrd while you choke back the puke from standing downwind of the bag. Is it me or is it worse at tournaments?
Is there anything more distinct? I am going to go with heck no. Packing that smelly bag into the car first thing on a cold January morning is like waking up to the smell of the dog crap that was smeared around the house by the Roomba.
Skynyrd nailed it when he said, “The smell of death surrounds you.”
“On the Road Again” by Willie Nelson
When you get in the car, you can slow things down a bit with “On the Road Again” by Willie Nelson. This song is especially appropriate for when the tournament hosts pick hotels 25 miles from the rink.
“Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway. We’re the best of friends, insisting that the world keep turning our way…”
“Alcohol” by Barenaked Ladies
When you find that you are annoyed that you have to stay so far away, take a minute remember that there will be two hours in the evening when you get to be a big girl.
Turn on Barenaked Ladies “Alcohol” and stop thinking about caffeinated beverages to get you going and start thinking about something on the rocks for the evening. “Forget the cafe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea. A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me.”
“Tired of Waiting” by The Kinks
Your new-found happiness should get you to the rink just in time to do what hockey moms do best, wait. Might as well amuse yourself with a classic and listen to “Tired of Waiting” by the Kinks. “‘Cause I’m so tired, tired of waiting…”
“I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones
Any tournament game is bound to peak your anxiety. Be it the one where you kid is getting crushed by the other team, the nail biter, or the one where you kid gets laid out by the other team’s goon; there is always a way to get your heart pumping during a tournament.
Just remember what Johnny Ramone says, and it should distract you from the cold and the anxiety for a minute. “ Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours to go, I wanna be sedated. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated.”
You are not going anywhere anytime soon, might as well find a way to relax.
“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar
The series of bad calls from the hometown refs will likely have that ass clown parent in the stands doing what he does best, embarrassing the heck out of his kid. You know the guy; the one who goes to every tournament and makes an idiot out of himself tell the refs they are awful.
The anxiety train that is youth hockey games will likely have your patience stretched. When he starts running his mouth think Pat Benatar “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” “Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, you better make sure you put me in my place.”
Hopefully just hearing the lyrics can conjure up a vivid image of throat punching him so that you can go back to enjoying your kid on the ice.
“One Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morissette
When it’s all said and done, you can remember how much it cost to go to the tournament. Force yourself to deal with the fact that there is a big bill lurking at the end of this, and listen “One Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morissette. The beginning says it all. “I am broke, but I am happy.”
“Good Ole Hockey Game” by Stompin Tom Conner
Lastly, when you’ve come to terms with the fact that you will have to return home and pick up a part time job to pay for the weekend you just experienced, relax and listen to the best hockey mom song there is, “Good Ole Hockey Game” by Stompin Tom Conner.
Let the words remind you of why you do what you do. After all, “It’s the best game you can name.” That’s why we bust our asses to keep our kids involved.
If you liked what you read, please join my facebook group, Hockey Mom Hacks, and talk hockey momming with me.